Dear Abby: I am married with two children, 6 and 4. I love them and my wife. When I met her, I knew she was a little messy. I am neat, tidy and generally organized. Over time, her behavior (specifically, cleanliness and tidiness) has grown worse. It's reached the point where she leaves her chewed-off fingernails where our children play barefoot. She refuses to help with household chores or to be a functional part of the household.
I don't want a divorce because I know it would wreck the children's lives. I have been holding out while politely begging for some of the cleanliness issues to resolve, but it's had zero impact. I'm ready to lose my mind, and my hair is visibly thinning from the stress. It's like having a third child. What do I do?
-- Frazzled in Florida
Dear Frazzled: A wife and mother whose behavior and general cleanliness have worsened to the point that she leaves her chewed-off fingernails on the floor where her children play may be experiencing mental problems. Withdrawing as you have described isn't normal behavior and could be a cry for help.
Contact your health insurance company and your doctor so your wife can be evaluated physically and neurologically. After that, you will have a better idea of what to do. While this could simply be the behavior of a disorganized and harried housewife, I'm concerned it could be more.
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