Love it when my brain is like "you forgot something" and then refuses to elaborate...
* LL Gabagool Jay (@LLGabagoolJay): The worm was up even earlier than the bird and look where that got him.
* Katie (@ALadyNamedKatie): Love it when my brain is like "you forgot something" and then refuses to elaborate.
* Hollie Harris (@allholls): Battle of the Bands, but it's just me and my husband loudly playing music from the different rooms we're in to try drowning out the other one's music.
* Mel (@MelanieDela3): My type? Someone who texts back before I've already drafted their obituary.
* Colin Shay (@CShay8675309): "A group of kids is called a migraine."
* Jerry Lock (@jlock17): Pet: Sorry, I threw up, but fortunately, I was able to make it to the rug.
* Neil Renic (@NC_Renic): You're asking Western leaders to do something about Israel like they haven't already expressed "surprise", "shock", "disappointment", and "deep concern".
* Nayele18 (@nayele18maybe): If I say "THAT'S CRAZY" at the end of your story, the 'I wasn't listening' is implied.
Three patients go to a psychiatrist for an evaluation. The doctor asks the first, "What's three multiplied by three?" The patient says, "236."
The doctor notes this on his pad, then asks the second patient, "What's three multiplied by three" "Tuesday," he replies.
"And you," the doctor says to the third patient. "What's three multiplied by three?" "Nine!" he shouts. "Yes!" exclaims the doctor. "How did you arrive at that answer?" "Easy," the patient replies, "236 divided by Tuesday equals nine."
Two strangers are sharing a railway carriage. One man notices a cardboard box with holes in it on the other man's lap and asks if it contains an animal. The second man replies that it holds a mongoose. When asked where he is going with it, he explains that he is taking the mongoose to his sister, who suffers from nightmares of snakes. The first man, puzzled, asks how a mongoose can help with imaginary snakes. "But this," the second man says while revealing that the box is empty, "is an imaginary mongoose."
"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces." - Will Rogers